My journey of discovering the power of responding to unproductive and negative comments on someones appearance or choices. After years of tolerating them, I now confront unjust situations.
We are all too familiar with the kind of comments some people say that just make you lose all hope on a society based on kindness and respect. In this scenario usually an aunt starts the conversation and targets the newest female celebrity’s look or appearance with the weakest most superficial argument you have ever heard. You ignore it, the topic changes and the same scenario happens again the following day. Or over the phone. Or at Christmas.
My approach most of the times to unproductive judgmental comments is to move on from the matter and hope that my own use of language and proactive communication will impact positively, and overtime healthier habits will be the norm when commenting on someone’s appearance.
''usually an aunt starts the conversation and targets the newest female celebrity’s look or appearance with the weakest most superficial argument you have ever heard. You ignore it, the topic changes and the same scenario happens again the following day.''
The fan of possibilities for you to come across such scenarios are way too many, and as I have experienced, the more you recognize and understand the gravity and popularity of this kind of conversation, the more you will find it happening in almost every place you go. For me, the most common scenario is adult women casually chatting and even bonding with other women. But other possibilities are comments to the referee and players in every sport event (the bigger the rivalry and toxicity the better, or so it seems). Magazines and news blogs are even adopting this kind of language, reaching bigger audiences with their exaggerated and empty headlines, and even worse, making money from it.
Very recently I have started to respond to judgmental comments. Now, when for example an aunt points out how my cousin would look prettier in a dress and that she should wear makeup to cover the bags under her eyes, I simply respond with something constructive. Something subtle and direct to move the conversation to a relevant level again. Something like ‘well she really enjoys wearing jeans so if it makes her happy, I really don’t see the issue, and to be honest nobody needs makeup, plus if she hasn’t worn makeup already is because she likes the way her face looks without it’ (So shut the hell up aunt Hellen). Clapping back softly has been working out just fine. Of course, I would like to take people who speak like that to court, but well, at least I leave them realizing how stupid they are for making such superficial comments about each other.
We would assume that with feminism and people slowly being cooler about things in general, this kind of posts wouldn’t even need to exist. Sadly, they do, and more importantly to me is the impact that the use of harmful language could be having on younger generations. It could have very real consequences that don’t even have to exist in the first place, such as insecurities about our bodies, following fashion trends for a social status, eating disorders, unrealistic expectations, bulling… The most common issues among teens taking roots every day in the most casual conversations.
Finding the strength and the balls to fight back to injustice, in a global or local scale, is more than a good goal, it is a necessity at this point. We need to detach ourselves from any kind of behavior that doesn’t fit with our vision of the world, no matter how small and ridicule it may seem.
Stepping away and clearing the air when an unhealthy judgmental conversation takes place has been one of the most liberating experiences I enjoy practicing, and now I feel good afterwards about taking small steps towards a healthy productive lifestyle.
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