What freeing My Gender Expression has taught me

Exploring my own gender expression and finding what I truly feel comfortable with has been a liberating journey, leaving behind the 'boy' mold.

This is a conversation very common among my friends and LGBT+ youth in general, but just in case you are not familiar with gender expression I will briefly explain. The most helpful way to understand is through something called ‘The Genderbread Person’. This illustration I came across a couple years ago explains quickly and perfectly the differences among gender, sexuality, sex and identity.

by itspronouncedmetrosexual.com

According to Cambridge Dictionary, gender expression is ‘the way in which people show their feeling of having a particular gender, for example in the way they dress and behave’.

What I understand thanks to this illustration but most importantly through my experience, is that the way you express yourself, through gestures, fashion, language etc., is not linked to your sex or your gender identity, but rather functions independently. Basically, that gendering products the way that they have traditionally been, in a boys wear blue and ties and girls wear pink and dresses, is not only wrong but oppressive.

I am a male, and only with that information, my identity, expression and sexual orientation have been assumed and my life has been designed around those assumptions. Needless to say, I grew up in a uncomfortable shoes and quick sand.

While being a kid the truth is that the obstacles are smaller. Every boy in my class played football but I didn’t like it so I just chose another extracurricular activity which I would enjoy. I also played with dolls my sister had and not so much with cars, and my parents would buy me traditionally girl toys without forcing any other toy on me. I must recognize that I am incredibly thankful to have very easy and open parents in this sense, and that these same scenarios unfortunately create tensions and harm in many other families.

High School is one big blur for me, but since recognizing and presenting my sexual orientation the way I felt it, I have slowly been letting my gender expression to show.

Probably one of the first things I started doing is shopping in the women’s section at clothing stores. Not for all items in my closet, but for more fun and specific pieces. My mom was slightly uncomfortable at first with me looking around through ‘girls’ clothes, but she has gotten used to it to the point that we now look at clothes that interest us or suit us, no matter if they are ‘designed’ for one sex or the other.

Sometimes it does feel like I am fighting a battle every single day. My city and specially my family have been historically very traditional, specifically catholic traditional, and every step towards something unconventional which is authentically me feels heavy. I remember as a boy in big family dinners being expected to sit at the table after we finished eating and let the women in my family clean up. This might not be so much about gender expression, but more about being aware that your biological sex or your gender identity have no right to justify a privilege over the other. I did and do stand up and clean up after myself and contribute to tidying up the table, not just because of respect and basic social kindness, but because I feel good doing it. It feels like me.

More recently I have started to wear nail polish. My mom wasn´t thrilled about it and told me on the phone to not do that when she found out. It does sting. To try to be more in touch with your feminine expressions and being pushed back to where you started. But hey. This is war. So, I did wear it again. Not to provoke anyone, but because I felt like it. I wanted to. And eventually the people who don’t necessarily agree with your choices learn that they have zero relevant arguments. And your parents are parents and love you no matter if you put paint in your nails or not. Again, please stay safe first if you feel you will be in danger in your family environment if you push your gender expression through, but as I have loving and caring parents, they don’t really care after a while. As long as I am happy.

“Not to provoke anyone, but because I felt like it. I wanted to. And eventually the people who don’t necessarily agree with your choices learn that they have zero relevant arguments. ”

Make up might be the next step for me. I started playing with it and why not? Perhaps more fluid clothes like dresses or clothes with transparencies will be part of my wardrobe very soon too. I am not actively trying to push any kind of agenda when it comes to my gender expression, but rather listen to myself and see what I feel comfortable wearing or doing. And as long as I have a safe environment to do so I will continue to pursue total connection with my expression.

At the end of the day. We are all so different, and although people will try and push their one-size fits-all mold for people to grow in society, the truth is that we need space to find our own gender expression and the things we truly enjoy.